Friday, January 28, 2011

वह ज़ालिम गोलगप्पेवाला..........

कभी कभी आफिस से घर लौटते समय बाज़ार की तरफ रुख करना पड़ता है। रोज़मर्रा के कई खरीदारियां होती है। और बाज़ार में घुसते ही अगर एक गोलगप्पेवाला अपनी स्टाल लगाए बैठा हो तो खरीदारी का मज़ा कुछ और बढ़ जाता है। थके होने पर भी बाज़ार जाना उतना बुरा नहीं लगता।
गोल्गप्पेवाला गोलगप्पे बड़ी अच्छी बनाता है। उसे सालोंसाल इसी जगह गोलगप्पे बेचते हुए देख रही हूँ। कभी भी उसके बनाए हुए गोलगप्पों में मसाले कम ज्यादा या स्वाद ऊपर नीचे नहीं होता। बस फर्क इतना ही है कि पहले बेचनेवाला जवान था और अब बूढ़ा हो चला है। बुढ़ापे के साथ साथ थोड़ा चिड़चिड़ा सा भी। सुबह से शाम तक खड़े रहने कि अब उसकी हिम्मत नहीं रहती नाही ताक़त । मुझे कैसे पता ? उसीने बताया था एक दिन बातों बातों में । कभी कभी जल्दी ही दुकान बंद कर वह घर चला जाता है । बिक्री भी उसकी खूब है । ऐसा भी हुआ है कि उसके दुकान तक जाते ही उसने हमें उलटे पैर वापस भेज दिया है यह कह कर कि सब बिक गया है, अब दीदी और कुछ न बचा खिलाने को।
कुछ दिन हुए बड़ी खांसी और तेज़ बुखार से परेशान थी । छाती और सर में दर्द भी था। निमोनिया की आशंका कर रही थी पर चिकित्सक ने आश्वासन दिया की चिंता करनेवाली कोई बात नहीं, मामूली सर्दी जुखाम है दवाई लेने से ठीक हो जाएगा । हाँ , दवाइयों से असर भी खूब जल्दी हुआ पर एक सुखी खांसी थी जो जाने का नाम नहीं ले रही थी। इसी बीच मन हुआ की चलो बूढ़े के चटपटे गोलगप्पे खाया जाए। कभी कभी यूँ भी हुआ है की ज़हर से ज़हर मारा गया है । तो यह भी मुमकिन था की गोलगप्पे के खाने से खांसी ठीक हो जाए । जैसा सोचा वैसा ही किया और चल पड़े गोलगप्पे की दूकान पर । खरीदारी तो खैर इक बहाना था ।
स्टाल तक पहुँच कर बड़े चाव और आत्मविश्वास के साथ एक प्लेट गोलगप्पे खिलाने की फरमाइश कर बैठी । पर किस्मत खराब थी । गोलगप्पेवाले से फरमाइश करते ही वही पुरानी खांसी छूट पड़ी । गोलगप्पेवाले ने एक नज़र मुझे देखा और बड़े गंभीरता और ठहरी हुई आवाज़ में बोला "अभी आप खांस रहे हो और गोल गप्पे भी मांग रहे हो । फिर गोल गप्पे खाओगे । उसके साथ लाल चटनी भी खाओगे । फिर पानी मांगोगे और गोल गप्पे का पानी पीओगे । उसके बाद जब और तबियत खराब होगी तो कहोगे गोल गप्पे खाकर बीमार पड़े "। गोल गप्पे वाला सहज और व्यंग रहित साफ़ शब्दों में एक सच्चाई बयान कर गया । पर एहम को चोट लगी । चोट ज़ख़्म में बदलने में देर न हुई जब साथ खडी एक कमसिन लड़की गोल गप्पेवाले की बातें सुन कर खिलखिला कर हंस पड़ी । मैं चोट खाए हुए घायल शेरनी की तरह झल्ला कर बोली "भैया ! ठीक है । जब हम पूरी तरह खांसी से निजात पा लेंगे तभी आपके गोलगप्पे खाने आयेंगे "। यह कह कर मैं वहाँ से भाग खडी हुई ।
उसके बाद कई हफ्ते गुज़र गए हैं । मार्किट भी कई बार जाना हुआ है पर गोल गप्पे वाले के स्टाल पर जा गोल गप्पे खाना न हुआ । जैसे जैसे दिन बीते नाराज़गी कम होती चली गयी पर एक बात ज़हन को रह रह के कचोटती है की जब गोल गप्पे खाने का सबसे ज्यादा मन था तब गोलगप्प्पेवाले ने साथ न दिया । सच में मौके पर गोल गप्पे वाला बड़ा ज़ालिम निकला.............

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

माथुर साहब सिर्फ आपके लिए...

आश्चर्य की बात है और यह कैसे हुआ मुझे भी नहीं पता पर यह हो रहा है और इसी बात पर आनंद लेने में ही शायद, नहीं, बल्कि सच में मज़ा है! मेरे परम मित्र माथुर साहब ने जब मुझसे पूछा कि हिंदी में ब्लौग कैसे लिखे - एक व्यवहारिक तथा उपभोक्ता-से-मैत्रीपूर्ण (यूज़र फ्रेंडली ) ब्लौग स्थान बताएं तो मैं झेप गयी क्योंकि ऐसा कोई ब्लौग स्थान मुझे मालूम न था ! परन्तु मित्र की मदद करने की इच्छा को दमन न कर पाए और गूगल खोज की शरण लेना मैंने अनिवार्य समझा। यह और भी आवश्यक इसलिए था क्यूंकि माथुर साहब इतने अच्छे और सशक्त लेखक हैं। उन्होंने मुझे आश्वासन भी दिया था कि अपने निजी ब्लौग होने पर वे उसमे अपने हिंदी लेखनियां ज़रूर शामिल करेंगे । इसमे मेरी निजी स्वार्थ भी सम्मिलित थी । मैंने ही माथुर साहब को हिंदी में ब्लौग लिखने पर प्रोत्साहित किया था । अब अगर मदद न कर पायें तो माथुर साहब सोच न बैठे कि मौखिक प्रोत्साहन तो मित्र ने दे दी पर जब असली सहायता कि बारी आई तो मोहतरमा ढूंढने पर भी मिली नहीं।

बड़ी विडंबना थी । एक ओर मित्रता का तकाजा था तो दूसरी ओर उपयुक्त ब्लौग न मिलने की हताशा । भरसक कोशिश करने पर भी अपेक्षित ब्लौग साईट न मिला। समझ न आ रहा था कि क्या करें । परिश्रम करने पर भी जब नाकामियाबी हाथ आती है तो विवशता और भी बढ़ जाती है। वैसे तो दो चार ब्लौग के "लिंक" मैंने शीघ्र ही इ-मेल पर भेज दिए थे परन्तु जब माथुर साहब का कोई जवाब या दूरभाष न आया तो मैंने समझ लिया कि मेरा पत्राचार से प्रेषित "लिंक" कोई काम का न होगा ।

सोच ही रही थी कि क्या करूँ कि छब्बीस जनवरी का दिन आया। इस दिन मनोरंजन का कोई भी साधन उपलब्ध न होने पर, सही अर्थ में छुट्टी मनाई जाती है। आतंकवाद के भय से बाहर जा नहीं सकते, दुकानें वगैरा बंद रहती हैं, टीवी और रेडिओ पर राष्ट्रीयता बोध से ओतप्रोत गानें सुनें या फिल्में देखें अन्यथा ब्लौग लिखें। मैंने आखरी विकल्प को ही चुन लिया। एक पूर्वलिखित लेखनि में कुछ चूक नज़र आई तो उसे ठीक करने लगीं। ओन-लाईन सुधार करते वक़्त अंग्रेजी शब्द "होम" टाइप किया तो वह अनायास ही हिंदी लिपि में आने लगा। कई बार उसको मिटाकर ठीक करने लगीं तो वह हठीला सा अपने जगह से हिलने से मना कर दिया। पहले तो गुस्सा आया फिर क्रोध आश्चर्य में और अंत में आश्चर्य आनंद में तब्दील हुआ।
पर यह हुआ कैसे ? फिर नज़र पड़ी स्क्रीन के ऊपर बाईं ओर हिंदी लिपि का "अ" लिखा हुआ था। हो सकता है टंकन करते किसी समय उस पर मेरे "चूहे" ने दांत मार कर उसे कुतर गया होगा यानि "क्लिक" हो गया होगा । अंग्रेजी में टंकन करते वक़्त उस पर कभी न नज़र गयी थी और न अपना प्यारा चूहा । पर ज़रुरत पड़ने पर अपने आप साधन हाथ आ जाते है । भगवान की योजनाओं के आगे हमारी प्रयास व कलाकारी ज्यों की त्यों धरी रह जाती है!!!

अब और बस क्या था ! जिस "मित्रता पूर्ण" ब्लौग
की अपेक्षा थी वह मिल गया। अब सिर्फ माथुर साहब को बताना बाकी था तो इससे बेहतर बताने का उपाय और क्या होगा कि एक हिंदी में ब्लौग लिख कर बताया जायें। तो यह रहा ......माथुर साहब सिर्फ आपके लिए।

Monday, January 24, 2011

THE RETIRING ROOM

I stretched my legs lazily, took out the notes and started reading. The train snaked swiftly through the city. I loved these Express Trains connecting one end of the city to the other and the outskirts. Commuting was so much more comfortable now. The plush ambience (given the comparatively low-cost tickets!), the high-backed soft leather seats, the quality of beverages and snacks served from time to time, a group of efficient and courteous staff and not to mention the sparkling toilets attached to each bogey, made life much more easy and enjoyable, within the steel and chrome interiors of the tube. Yes, these were the latest additions of the Delhi Metro Corporation Ltd. (DMRC), a part of their network expansion scheme, connecting farthest points of the city and also the nearer towns with the NCR through these non-stop bullet trains. A boon for thousands of white and blue collar workers who could now commute on a day to day basis from their residences outside the NCR limit to their work stations in the capital and back!

I had my maiden lecture session in one of the units of the Corporation in Karimabad, which though located in the State of Uttar Pradesh, fell within the ambit of the NCR. The bustling district on the periphery represented the industrial segment of the National Capital Region. But for these smooth machines rolling on the shiny metallic strips, accessing my destination would have been difficult which was otherwise considered “remote” by urban standards. My comfort level increased further when I realized that I was not a lone traveler to the location. I met Deepa, my colleague from another Department, in the train quite accidentally. An engineer by qualification, she had a more lengthy technical assignment on hand. Exchanging notes, she concluded that one day at the unit would be sufficient for the job. We both decided to take the late afternoon train back home that very day.

Exactly two hours later, the train chugged into Karimabad station. De-boarding, I suffered the first jolt. There was no proper platform. The train appeared to have stopped in the middle of nowhere somewhat resembling an untended field. In the distance, groves of ancient trees could be seen huddled together giving the hint of denser vegetation not afar. The rail tracks seemed to vanish into this wood. The forlorn station building, cropping like an outgrowth a little away from the grass beds lining the tracks, looked dilapidated and not much in use. I remembered reading in the papers that DMRC, in a bid to economize on the budget, had agreed to use the discarded stations (en-route) of the Northern Railways in the initial phase of expansion, which they later promised to renovate in line with international parameters. Deepa, a happy-go-lucky sort of a person, was impervious to the deserted surround. She had visited the place earlier. “What matters most is that the trains come dot on time here”, she said cheerfully. I could not help but agree.

In spite of our carefully chalked out plans, we were late. It was early evening when exhausted we reached the station. Needless to say, the afternoon train which we were supposed to take had departed by then. The sky looked a bit gloomy with dark clouds hovering in the horizon. A prelude to a rainy night! We could still reach home might be a little later than expected. But contrary to Deepa’s earlier forecast, the evening train was running late.” It will be wiser to spend the night at the station as the crowd in the evening train is not always genteel”, she quoted a few incidents of boisterous factory workers trying forced entry into the ladies’ compartment after a drink or two. There was no point in going back to the unit as it would be closed by the time we reached. The unit workers were all daily commuters and did not have much knowledge of the locality. There were no respectable hotels too in the vicinity for overnight stay especially those fit for ladies. In short, there was no other option but to follow my colleague’s experienced advice.

But one look at the retiring room, I took a u-turn. It was dank, smelly and ill-lit. A dim 10 watt bulb threw depressing shadows onto a red and black tiled floor. The walls, a typical yellow coloured, looked damp with fluffy plasters peeling off at places. But the double bed in the middle of the huge space looked unusually comfy with clean sheets and matching pillows. Otherwise, it was just a room straight out of some yester year novel wherein the victims met shady strangers before getting murdered.

I was about to tell Deepa so but she had already unpacked and did not seem to mind the unhygienic environ at all. A veteran in touring God forsaken areas, where our Company boasted of outlets sans transit accommodation, she had developed a much required stoicism which I completely lacked being an infrequent visitor. There was something about the atmosphere in and around the room that disturbed me. In the half light I could even see something crawling in the corner. I pointed it out to Deepa. She laughed. But I insisted on leaving immediately pretending a lapse of memory. I had just recalled that my sister was going to leave station tomorrow early morning and it was important for me to pass on certain urgent instructions to her before she left. I tried to mobile her but unfortunately the network connections did not seem to work. SMSing would not help because these were detailed missives. Half truth! The sister episode was bogus while the disabled mobile was true.

Deepa was reluctant. She was supposed to leave for Ludhiana the next morning on extended assignment. She had already found out a suitable connecting train with easily available seats that stopped at this station. Going back home would be an unnecessary detour. However, given the circumstances, it was not desirable that either of us pursued our respective programmes without the other. Disgruntled, my friend agreed to take the next return train home. It would reach us by ten-ish in the night but still safer than spending the night here, thought I.

But Deepa was taking so much time to re-pack her possessions. It was her resistance to leave or something else I could not figure out. Reclining on the bed, the only piece of furniture in the room, a wave of tiredness swept over me. I closed my eyes. A child appeared before me. A child not more than four or five years old with a crop of soft, curly hair, an anemic face with round, astonished eyes, his thin body covered in a rust coloured blazer and a pair of bottle green trousers, hands in pocket, he scanned the room with a lost look. I suddenly recollected a news paper article read a few years back. “A dead body of a boy found under mysterious condition in a retiring room”! From where did he come, how and why nobody knew. He was discovered lying still on the bed eyes closed by the station sweeper quite late in the evening, by then rigor mortis had obviously set in. What was the name of the station? K-a-r-i-m-a-b-a-d! I opened my eyes with a start.

The room was pitch dark. I must have fallen asleep. Where was Deepa? Why did she not wake me up? The train……has the train left? Most probably Deepa must have thought it better not to wake me up. She wanted to spend the night in the station itself. It suited her pre-planned itinerary so well. But the stillness in the room was daunting. I softly called out, “Deepa! Deepa!” No response. I stretched my arms to feel her by my side on the bed. Something silky and curly tangled around my fingers. A soft head of a child came to touch. He lay by my side. Horrified, I tried to jump out of bed. But a pair of bony hands had already reached out. And then ten tiny fingers crawled over and gripped me in their iron clutch.

I woke up with a strange heaviness in my chest. It was my room. 3.45 am. Oh it was just a nightmare! But I failed to feel relieved. The molesting little fingers had left their indelible imprint all over my skin!!!!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

UNTITLED

It was six fifteen in the morning. An electric blue firmament sequined by twinkling stars with a beaming moon still wide awake like a playful child. I walked Mr. Snow Boot (my pet) around the Block who appeared to be quite moody today and turned homeward just after a few sprightly trots.

We galloped up to the first floor and softly rapped on the door to be opened by my sister who looked quite energetic despite the early hours. My bro-in-law looked cheerfully engrossed in the kitchen! Preparing the morning tea with a generous dose of “Matilda’s Secret” was his prerogative.

I got warm hugs from both of them. Soon after, my groggy nephew appeared like Jack in a box with a big red box and placed it right on top of the keyboard of my laptop that I was tapping away to glory, insisting that I open it post haste. I obliged. A fluffy cake of satisfactory size smiled at me shaking off the chocolaty flakes casually powdered on its cherubic face. Dark chocolate roses dimpled its cheeks. What a treat! I was prodded to knife a fat slice out of its body and offer it to all present, one by one, to the sound of a melodiously non-musical chorus of “Happy Birthday to You.” I did it grudgingly though. The first phase of celebration was completed thus.

The second phase began when my mobile tinkled and a soft, apologetic, unfamiliar voice greeted me a “Happy Birthday”. I was not surprised because the call was expected though not so early. We had a long, fulfilling chat.

The second call arrived when I was in the Metro, underground! My ears were gifted with the Happy Birthday song once again, this time, in a deep, surprisingly sonorous voice, which got cut off midway due to connectivity problem and resumed as I reached my office. The door of my cabi burst open to let in three happy faces who wished me all the very best for the day followed by my boss who had already once wished me over phone and now did so in person. In the afternoon a delicious parantha party was organized by our Departmental Head. Our Department is nicknamed as the Eating Department – my birthday was a mere coincidence.

I had not planned anything for my birthday and had decided to have a quiet one this year though my friend had been inciting me for the past one week, no, since the beginning of the month, to go in for a gala bash. I tried in vain to make him understand that my idea of celebration was a bit different than his. But to no avail. When I was a child, birthdays were something to be looked forward to with great anticipation. As I matured the exhilarations associated with the day diminished progressively.

It is not that ageing has a melancholic effect on me. On the contrary, though it may sound unusual, I have no qualms in accepting my age. The process is an irrevocable one giving a unique opportunity to off-load all those entrapments which we have burdened our shoulders with so that we travel light as we near the completion of our journey and there is a spring and sprightliness to our steps as we climb up the steep slopes of life with increasing ease and grace.

Although, for most age and experience are synonymous, I don’t think they supplement each other. But realization does dawn as the sun tilts towards the west. A cloak of equanimity envelopes the mind. Hindsight is gained. Musings are no more tinged with euphoria or guilt. I had once written a poem on this catharsis which one of my young poet friends severely criticized as didactic.

Honestly, I pity him. That is another advantage of age. You can have a hearty laugh over youth’s “innocence” anytime of the day, “Dus saal baad dekhenge yeh tewar kahaan jaate hain!” and gloat like a vain Cheshire cat. I often do secretly.

Coming back to a more serious note, I have always been attracted by Tagore’s tranquil acceptance of death. He has often mentioned in his songs and poems that he is in the process of finishing all his worldly chores so that when the ultimate end advances, he is free of all shackles (which may try pull him back, if not done away with) and be ready for the travel to eternity with a smiling face and joyous heart.

And that is exactly what I prayed for on my birthday that I should be waiting for Him with eagerness when the day comes for me to say good bye to this world “without a pang, a sting or a prick in the eyes” and follow the Lord with an unquestioning spirit and unfaltering step.

Amen.

Friday, December 10, 2010

THOSE WERE THE DAYS


There is an odd kind of silence when the snow drips from the sky and settles on the slopes of the mountains. As though the world has come to an end and there is nobody left to tell the tales of mankind – it’s efforts and endeavors, its achievements and failures, it’s desires and fears, it’s towering creations and it’s irrevocable devastations – as though a chronicle is left unfinished, the writer having vanished in thin air on a whim of a childish prank. Such is the hushed song of Nature when snow falls, spreading a cottony sheet on the crust of the earth with delicate hands of a mother who has just tiptoed out of the room after tucking the child in bed with warmth and care. People make careful plans to witness a snowfall. I experienced it unexpectedly at the holy shrine of Vaishno Devi years back in the ‘80s, when the going was comparatively tough, the mountainous tracks treacherous, steep and not properly paved and the travel was bereft of exotic extravaganzas as our meager savings did not permit the same.

The trip till Katra was uneventful and nothing much to write home about. The only thing that caught my attention in the railway map was the rail tracks vanishing mysteriously somewhere into the foothills of the grand Himalayas. The Jammu –Tawi Express dropped us unceremoniously at the last railway station of the Northern tip of India – Jammu. It was early morning. We took a bus to Katra. The uphill ride was picturesque but I don’t remember much of it as I sedated myself heavily to prevent from being hill-sick during the winding journey. On reaching Katra, we fixed a local coolie to carry our luggage, had our breakfast in one of the road-side dhabas and proceeded towards the shrine in all earnestness. The experienced travelers had told us to continuously chant the holy name while trekking up so that the journey could be made smooth and easy by divine blessing.

The downhill trek was more adventurous. We were the last to come down in the snow with a frail old lady who looked as though she would get swept away by the stormy breeze any minute and an ill clad boy shuddering in the bitter cold like the shivering leaves of a young, supple tree on a windy day.

An ancient cave which was feared would crumble down any moment, even by the feathery press of a mere whisper, led the path to the sanctum sanctorum. There were constant admonishments from the shrine administrators to chant the deity’s name softly which the passionate devotees shouted out as loudly and forcefully as they could.

We were inexperienced travelers in our maiden trekking venture, enchanted by the mesmerizing beauty of Nature at every bend – going uphill, we were accompanied, for a short stretch, by the Baan Ganga, with its crystal clear water, the silver fish swimming carefree just beneath the gossamer sheen of the flow mirroring the pebble bed underneath arranged meticulously by the careworn hands of an unknown architect; but of course the green forests adorning the slopes luscious in its rich, thick foliage never left us alone. As I vaguely remember, the Devi had brought down the Ganga to these mountains by the prick of an arrow or baan. That is why the name Baan Ganga!

Haathi Mattha, a much required resting spot for the tired trekkers, where the mountain peak takes the shape of an elephant’s head; here we had crispy, garam jalebis with steaming cups of tea. And not to forget Ardh Kunwari or the divine womb where Vaishno Mata had hidden from the demon just like a fetus within a woman’s uterine cavity! It was customary to venture inside the womb, a slender slice of a rocky tunnel, but seemed interminably long for those who traversed it. It was pitch dark inside. I had to slither through the claustrophobic hollow saving myself from the jagged ends of the rocky interiors, almost hysterically chanting the holy name, till a sliver of light a few crawls away told me that I had reached the end.

The evening fell quietly while we were still on our way through the dark, desolate, undulating incline. Taking a turn, we had stared eagerly at the far away garland of lights of the shrine! It was still a few kilometers away! The night was spent in an ordinary Dharamshala on roughly hewn blankets a few layering the cold floors and a few dumped on our exhausted frames. The fashionable accommodations were deliberately avoided.

It was dawn as we emerged from our room. The locals predicted rough weather during the day. The snow had started gathering on the higher altitudes. We could see the tips of the mountains tinged with white and a teeth chattering breeze brushing past our sides.

Early in the morning, we had to take a dip in the holy water which turned out to be more of a kind of communal bathing, thankfully, separate for men and women. In a big hall where women without any visible embarrassment doused bucket full of freezing cold water on fully clothed bodies. The water gushed out in full force from open pipes jutting out from the walls of a number of door-less cubicles that the hall was divided into. Then they changed over to dry clothes with nimble fingers and dashed for the Darshan. We followed suit.

We were fortunate to get a Darshan after a long wait in a serpentine queue. By that time it had started snowing. It was December. Our frost bitten feet found solace in the stream coursing through the cave which strangely felt warm and luxuriant to our naked skin, though it was freezing cold. We never felt so vibrantly alive as the ripples caressed our swollen toes. As usual there was the usual quota of queue breakers who were in a mighty hurry even to earn the deity’s blessings. No one could make these passionate pilgrims understand that the divine blessing was the only thing which was always available in plentitude and did not diminish or suffer scarcity with the passage of time.

The Darshan was a quickie, over too soon. The cave priests did not allow the devout to linger long. We returned by another passage, a longish tunnel wherein a spring cascaded from an unknown source down one of its uneven sides and mingled into the stream below.

The locals had earlier advised us to leave as soon as possible because a snowfall indicated closure of the shrine which in turn meant an indefinite stranded existence at one of the Dharamshalas. But none was available as these were already full with incoming devotees and those who had decided to stay back. Trekking snow clad mountainous tracks was a novel experience for us. We were told to follow the footprints of our predecessors lest we slipped and fell. If we did, chances were our carcasses would never be found. Measure after measure we covered snow-white ribbons of pathways entwining the sage like mountains. As the sky sprinkled on us generous sheets of snow, our clothes fell short of requirement. I for myself was wearing three layers of clothing and it was the same for others. But these were not fit for a snowy winter. Our sole aim was to reach the foothills which we naïvely presumed would be snow-free.

But how wrong we were! As we were half way down, the snowfall gave way to torrential downpour. We had not thought of that! The snow melting into rains as the altitudes lessened. We were drenched and sure that our luggage was too as it was not waterproof. We passed by the Baan Ganga, which once a silver ballerina, was now a deep pink scurry of turbulent water, the mountain sediments adding colour and vibrancy to her fluid, buoyant, graceful prance.

We landed at a tea stall, unpretentious but welcoming. Till now, we had trudged alone, apart from our group of four, there was nobody trekking downhill unlike the evening before when we were accompanied by a throng of pilgrims. Such is life my friend! Sometimes a joyous caravan of multitude and sometimes just a lone tread with quietude. So, we were at this road side tea pub. A man stood there at the doorway, an old ordinary blanket shrouding his face and frame. The other two male members in our group went hotel surfing. The bad news was that all hotels, motels, inns and taverns were teeming with pilgrims who were not allowed to leave Katra for the uphill journey. Every possible type of accommodation was choc-o-bloc. It was quite probable that we might have to spend the night in that tea shop itself.

But we would not have minded that at all! The reason was simple. The masquerader blocking the doorway hummed an intricate tune, a meandering mesmeric rendition of Mian Ki Malhaar. The rain lashed outside breaking the mountains in rhythmic lunacy. The aqua drops looked like polka dots tap dancing on the rugged terrains and the stranger with his face hidden inside the dirty folds of a frayed blanket sang the joy of rains in deep resonance which hit the steep slopes, the far away peaks, the earthy banks of the mountain rivers, the misty sky, the thick jungles, the over laden clouds and bounced back in frothy wavelengths to be eternally ensconced in the memory banks of two agog minds. We could have spent the entire night listening to the melodious strains!

The rest is ordinary. The night was spent in one room obtained with crooked maneuvers - an admixture of feminine pleas and curtly dropping a few names here and there of the rich and the famous. Sleep was fitful with torturous dreams of the trek back to Katra coupled with acute body pain. The only redeeming factor being the oven hot rotis and delicious red rajma which was our dinner in an infamous roadside stall! But the taste of it still lingers on. Threads of smoke curled up from our bodies as the crackling heat of the glowing angeethi around which we huddled to keep ourselves warm seeped into our rain soaked attire. By that time, our muscles were so stiff in the bitter cold that we had completely lost control over our limbs. We had to hold the strip of a roti in both hands and take it up carefully to our mouth and shuffle it in. Left to the right hand, the rajma sloshed rotis went inside the left ear before finding its right course to the quivering mouth. The same fate awaited as we tried to wrench the dripping clothes now glued to our frames. We did not know de-robing could be such a tedious and time consuming affair!!

The next morning we reached Jammu Station much before time. By the afternoon, the sun shone bright and crisp enough to dry our wet clothes on the empty platform benches before boarding the train in the evening. That is how my sister’s post marriage thanksgiving ceremony to the divine deity drew to an end. Even on reaching home and a month later, many a night, I’d wake up sweating profusely tortured - revisiting the shrine and braving the blizzard in my dreams!! It is said that a divine call precedes a successful pilgrimage. After the fateful first visit, we never till now had a second chance of visiting the shrine again. So most probably the divine invite has not been posted as yet. But those were definitely the days when such adventures lent additional meaning to life, though it might appear a little foolhardy on hindsight.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

KAALU THE VAGABOND

I am worried about Kaalu and not for the first time. She was born in the park adjacent to my flat. One of the nine puppies, scrawniest and a late learner, slow in everything - from crawling to fending for her own rights! But she was the only one who survived, became notorious for her mischief and grew into an imp of a mongrel. Her excessive fondness for my pet, Mr. Snow Boot, has always been a continuous source of stress to me.

This October, she steps into adolescence - one year old. But her body is not well developed. She still survives on milk. She has not attained “mental maturity” as the vets would say. She is still very much a child and she is pregnant!

I used to find her lethargically prostrated in the middle of the lane. Even on whistling and calling out her name, she would not respond and just watch me listlessly with a tinge of sadness swimming in those dark eyes! The progressively bulging belly spilled the beans.

She could guess that there was something wrong with her but knew not what.

When I come back home, in the evenings, from work, she sprints up, hugs me with her forelimbs and wails mournfully. Words are useless. Who requires the alphabets to fathom her plaintive cries? There is universality in womanhood, a kinship, a bonding, transcending species and genera which automatically lends speech to her undecipherable language, her clarion call.

I know she is hungry, always hungry, very, very hungry!

I run my hand across her back, her protruding belly, the sheen of her coat, now lusterless with dirt, mud and waste. I box her ears playfully. Her skin shows here and there – translucent pink epidermis in between jet black bush of fir. She has lost clumps of hair and urgently needs veterinary care. Nutrients, vitamins, minerals and above all food, sumptuous, luscious diet!

***

Maa is furious with me! The milk pan is half empty! Just two loaves sulk in the Bread Basket! She gives me an accusatory look. What do I do maa? Kaalu reminds me of all those innumerable “second sex” of this hapless country, who willingly or unwillingly, give in to the whims and fancies of hungry eyes and prodding hands in the dark silhouettes of nights or even during sunny morns and sultry noons. And thereafter carry the indelible imprints in their wombs – sometimes a nightmare, sometimes a shattered dream, infrequently a rosy remembrance of a soft dawn or a demure dusk but that is so rare, almost an oddity!!!

My sister protests! Kaalu is a threat to her sterile threshold. I keep silent. Will I be able to make her understand that when I caress Kaalu I reach out to millions like her, in human garb, languishing in the remotest of remote corners of this land - villages, districts, towns, cities, backwaters and even metros too! Mutely counting days while valiantly wading through thousand chores, traveling in overcrowded transports, bringing work load back home and sometimes making both ends meet, stretching themselves beyond the realms of permissible or legitimate ease.

Perhaps she will empathize, if once she hears placing her ears in the air. The breeze will carry wisps of whispered prayers. But I have never shared my thoughts with her. So, she continues to grumble and I make it a point to feed the overgrown pup, twice a day… at least.

***

But this morning was a surprise. I woke a little late and found my mother in the kitchen warming the milk and mashing the bread. “For whom?” I ask. “For your daughter,” she says, suppressing a smile. “Your sister brought in the bread and yesterday’s left over milk.” I was amazed. “But maa…..”I hesitated. She was brusque, “Before you go in for your bath, give her this. She is waiting outside.” She looked up.

The sun rays were streaming in from the open kitchen window. Maa stood there with her back towards the light. But did I see a glisten in her eyes? A twinkle and a flash of a smile lining the lashes! I have never told them in so many words. But I know they know, my mother and my sister, because there is a silver stream of oneness coursing through these malleable souls; a subcutaneous bond of universal empathy born out of similarity of fate? Perhaps a pathological familiarity which may at times border on contempt, at times other, on a more fraternal fellowship, withstanding the test of time, navigating through ages of rough weather and invincible chains, sometimes a deluge and at times a restraint, a refrain, the sparkling ribbon meanders through zillions of tumultuous currents restlessly simmering in the underbelly of apparently pacific, non-challant waves, cutting across species, genera and numerous other taxonomical researches and gains. It does not take time to dawn. The tale of repression and resilience is epoch long!

SHUTTER ISLAND TO SHUT YOU OUT OF THIS WORLD


I had heard a lot about Director Martin Scorsese. I “experienced” him yesterday late evening. The timing was perfect for the gripping movie called “Shutter Island” set in the 1950’s in an isolated island. Truly, going through the two hour celluloid treat by Scorsese is almost like savouring an unputdownable saga in print, speaking in cinematic parlance, the same would be something akin to “unpausable”

Edward Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio), a richly decorated war veteran and post war US Federal Marshal visits the Shutter Island, on the Boston harbor, on a mission to find an escaped mental patient. He is joined by Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo), another Marshall, from Seattle.

Shutter Island houses the notorious Ashecliff Lunatic Asylum which is less a mental hospital and more a tightly guarded prison with electrified perimeters et al; its inmates are the most dangerously violent, criminally insane men and women shunned by Civil Society. They are the clinically hopeless cases declared to be beyond correction or cure. The penitentiary is as much known for its homicidal maniacs as for the monumental psychiatric researches and treatments conducted therein. More so, due to the charismatic persona and dedication of Dr. Cawley (Ben Kingsley), the head of the hospital, who apparently believes that even the worst psychiatric patient can be reached across by patient understanding, love and care. Ashecliff is run on special grant by the US Government but inside its premises it is Dr. Cawley’s rules that reign supreme.

It is impossible to break in or out of this closely guarded mental asylum. But one of the convicts does – Rachel Solando, who is charged of cold bloodedly drowning her own children, runs away, in fact, disappears, from the asylum, without leaving a clue, one night. Rachel is cunningly shrewd, desparate, hopelessly incurable and an imminent threat to society if let loose. The primary obstruction in her treatment is her adamant belief that her children are still alive and that she is the owner of the hospital grounds while the doctors, nurses, orderlies and other staff of the hospital are in fact her employees – the milkmen, postmen, deliverymen etc.

It is Edward Daniel’s (nicknamed Teddy) job to find out Rachel and put her back in the cell, the assignment made tougher by the unrelenting Dr. Cawley who is reluctant to extend cooperation in any form, the inmates including the staff as well as the patients who seem to know more than they are ready to divulge and the staunch belief of the residents including the cops that it is impossible for Rachel to survive on her own in the violent storm ridden island outside the asylum and that most probably she is already dead. Suspicion thickens when Teddy learns that Rachel’s primary psychiatrist, Dr. Lester Sheehan, has been sent off to a long pending vacation the very morning they have arrived at the island to investigate her disappearance.

Soon Teddy is caught in a maze of conspiracies where his own sanity is very much at stake. Teddy confesses to Chuck that finding Rachel is not the only task he has on his mind. There is a personal vendetta too. Teddy is actually looking for one Andrew Laeddis, the maintenance man and firebug, who put the apartment on fire in which Teddy’s family resided and eventually his wife died. During trials, Andrew confessed that it was the “voices in his mind” which instigated him to lit the match. The Court lets Andrew go unpunished on medical grounds. Thereafter, Laeddis vanishes into thin air. But one George Noyce, a former inmate of Ashecliff, secretly passes on the information to Teddy that Laeddis is very much in Ashecliff though his name does not appear on records.

Teddy’s search for Laeddis leads to more mysteries. Who is the 67th patient in Ashecliff while the record shows only 66 patients? Added to this is the sudden return of Rachel without a scratch on her body as though she were never gone! Is she really who she claims to be? Then the mysterious Light House and the forbidden erstwhile military Fort or Ward C of the hospital which houses the most dangerous homicidal maniacs who are never let out in the open! The screams which disturb the peace of the night coming from the direction of Ward C! The unconscionable, medically unethical, psychosurgical experiments and the excruciatingly painful transorbital lobotomies rumoured to be undertaken in the dark dungeons of the Light House, on the poor patients to calm them down and transform them into zombies. The innocuous Guinea Pigs are those men and women who have already been branded as lunatics by the world and their protests go unheard as deliriums of unhinged minds. Lastly, Chuck, his co-Marshall, whom Teddy does not know whether to believe or not to believe, whether he is a friend or a foe!

And above all, Teddy himself! His blinding migraines! His acute photosensitivity and dizzy spells! The pills which are forced down his throat as antidotes in the name of relief! His haunting past! His unforgettable stint at the German Concentration Camps- the Dachau! His oft repeated nightmares! The little girl who invariably torments him in his dreams! The smoothness with which he has been brought to this island reeks the stench of a larger Governmental undercover operation and political intrigue! But the ultimate noose is tightened when Teddy comes to know that he cannot leave the island because the only one ferry which takes islanders out to the mainland is also controlled by Dr. Cawley. Is Teddy safe in Shutter Island?

Thus unfolds the teeth clenching, nerve ripping suspense thriller that is Scorsese’s Shutter Island. It is hard to tell whether the ambience jells with the plot or the plot is a deceptively innocent outcome of the ambience itself. The island with its stormy coasts, eerie graveyards, dense jungles and above all the gloomy penitentiary provides the perfect backdrop for the hair raising adventures of Teddy and Chuck! The background score adds considerable hair splits to goose bumps!

I am not a Leonardo De Caprio fan but I cannot imagine anyone else in Teddy’s role as well. And what to speak of the doyen of the silver screen – Sir Ben Kingsley as Dr. Cawley? The man who is an institution in himself! An actor who brings to life a character who is as much in the dark as he himself keeps others in dark. He has much to hide and less to reveal. He who has a unique and dual role to play – that of a doctor devoted to his profession as well as a human being committed to compassion and betterment of mankind.

Finally, the message of the movie because Martin Scorsese is just not two hour Hollywood Hungama! He raises the most controversial issue of this century, nay, era when he tugs at the thin line of demarcation between sanity and insanity. The parting dialogue of Edward Daniels throws to the fore the most contemporaneous question of today’s turbulent times. What is sanity? The structure of thoughts and mental frame approved by the majority in conformity with societal norms or is there any other definition beyond the stereotypical notions? A tortured mind is also a product of the ravages and oppressions of the social system in which he lives. So sanity rests with insanity side by side; the choice is ours what to adopt and embrace - what is the best way to be or as Teddy’s convoluted mind ponders “which would be worse to live as a monster or die as a good man”. I think we all need to think and rethink over that.